As if a global pandemic isn’t enough.

As if being the number one race being affected by covid-19 isn’t enough.

As if seeing yet another one of my sisters and brothers being murdered by police isn’t enough.

I still have to come to work. And although I am working from home, I still have to fake the funk to get through the workday. I still have to deal with the microaggressive behavior of my colleagues who aren’t black. I still have to deal with the ignorance of them acting like they don’t know what is really going on in this country.

Three months ago, I had to deal with a white person in leadership lying on me. I mean blatantly lying. Down to the words I said and my manager believing every word spewed against me. No surprise. I only found out because my manager thought she was slick, and I noticed wording in an email with us and human resources regarding my leave for surgery, that piqued my interest, so I asked her what she meant. She told me what I allegedly said and how I allegedly said it and of course, I disputed it. At that point, I was referred to as aggressive. Go figure. A person that wasn’t even present, believes their white friend…I mean co-worker and tries to tell ME what EYE said and how EYE said it. I held my ground and still do to this day. And I followed everything up via email so should anything happen to me in the future, I have those emails to back me. This Karen is equivalent to Karens on the street calling the cops on black people for no reason other than them knowing what the outcome could possibly be and to take pleasure in seeing it happen. This Karen at my office thought lying on me and defaming my character would ultimately get me fired. Keep in mind, I have had no real interactions with this woman before besides just simply passing by her because she refused to speak to me even after I had said “hello”. These people are dangerous.

Being in spaces with white people like this is why its exhausting. I have to deal with everyday woes of being a black woman in AmeriKKKa but then I have to add this foolishness to the list. It affects our mental health. It affects our work ethic. It affects our demeanor and presence when around people that don’t look like us. Its literally damaging especially in the workplace. We are forced to either remain silent while being accused of blatant lies or speak up and be reprimanded or fired. No matter what spectrum you stand on, you are always picked on and bothered about miniscule things and matters. They poke and poke and poke because they want to see you act out of character and have a reason to say something or get rid of you. And if you are a black person reading this and say, “that’s never happened to me,” it probably has and you just didn’t notice it or didn’t want to notice it. Have you ever been speaking in a meeting and your white colleague interjected and spoke over you? Have you ever applied for a job internally and didn’t get it because your white colleague, with less experience, got it? Have you ever been greeted with “hey boo” by a white co-worker that just left from Beckys desk with a “Good morning?” There are so many other ways that institutional bias can be displayed and it’s so normal for many of us to casually disregard it because we are programmed to “choose our battles.” We don’t want to over exhaust ourselves with smaller microaggressions, in case we have to defend ourselves in a larger issue.

Imagine being a black person. Not having anywhere safe to really be.

Not in a church.

Not in a school.

Not in a store.

Not at work.

Not outside.

Not in your own car.

Not even in your own damn house.

Being black here isn’t enough.

They want us black and unemployed.

Black and homeless.

Black and fatherless.

Black and motherless.

Black and dead.

Being black isn’t exhausting. I love being black. I love my brown, melanated skin. I love the beauty in all of me and my people.

It’s exhausting to be in AmeriKKKa and black. There’s a difference.

Have any of your colleagues who aren’t black, checked on you?

Have they even asked if you’re okay?

Mine bothered me about “checking in” with the team because I didn’t say good morning in our group slack. Yup. That’s it.

So, how does one navigate in their everyday life and balance work life being marginalized and suffering in silence that’s not so silent?

Its never enough.

Black women and men, please protect your peace and your mental health right now. If you have to take a personal day or even week, do it. AND don’t feel bad about it. Please take care of yourselves. I’m talking to myself too.