Actually, let’s talk about communication in friendships. 

After watching Insecure, it’s obvious Issa and Molly have communication issues going on in their friendship. Issa seems to be very naive to what’s going on. Like she knows somethings wrong but she’s not sure what it is and why. So instead of asking Molly, she avoids it in hopes of it going away and them just going back to how things were. 

Molly on the other hand, is very passive aggressive. She’s easily annoyed and takes offense to everything even jokes. She knows exactly how she’s feeling and why, yet she doesn’t say anything because she would rather Issa come to her first. 

They both have other personal and professional things going on along with their issues with each other so it seems like this “talk” is just not important or priority to the other party.

I can’t side with either one, although Molly is getting on my nerves, because I can admit I have been both an Issa and a Molly in my friendships before. Some times I just don’t know why the other is mad or upset and I’ll have so much going on that I wish over time it’ll pass and we can be cool again with no tension. Its not that I don’t care or didn’t care about resolving the issue, I just figured if it were a big enough issue, they would come to me and tell me whats wrong.

I have also been the passive aggressive one, taking jokes to heart, being a little shady…okay maybe a lot of shade was thrown, and just being an all around b***h. I knew exactly how I felt and why I felt that way but instead of saying something to my friend, I held my feelings inside because I wanted them to come to me. I mean you did something wrong so you should know what you did and why I’m feeling this way so you should want to resolve it, right?

WRONG!

Not everyone knows or is aware of what they did to make you feel a certain way. To be honest, I have a few people from my past that ghosted me and we were hella cool. To this day, I don’t know what I said or did. I have my faults, as do us all, but when you have a friendship like Issa and Molly at what point do you become the bigger person and just resolve things for the sake of the friendship or at the very least share your feelings and move on either as friends or separately?

We are watching a television show so we see both sides but when its our own lives, we don’t take into consideration the other persons life, feelings, or point of view. We are so hell bent on being the hurt one or the right one, we let those feelings manifest into more the longer we suppress them. We don’t every stop to think

“have I communicated properly how I felt?” or

“ are they going through something that could be preventing them from talking to me?” or

“maybe I should just talk to them to see what is going on.”

I know in the midst of our own feelings, its hard to consider others but when you have a friend that’s like family, is your ego more important or that friendship? Difficult conversations are hard to have especially, when there is obvious tension. You don’t want the conversation to go sour or for you to say the wrong thing. But not saying anything is just as bad because clarity is not reached and you both are left with unresolved emotions.

I say all this to say, talk it out no matter what. For some reason, ghosting is this generations way of resolving issues but its childish in my opinion, depending on the relation of the friendship. If you have a friendship that’s close, communicating your issues is just the respectable thing to do. Both parties have to be willing, so don’t attempt to force one but making it known that is what you are seeking is a great start! Try to avoid being passive aggressive, snarky or asking other friends about the one you have the issue with. Any time you have the urge to do those things, check yourself and pull that person to the side and attempt to have the “talk.”

Have you been an Issa or a Molly? How do you communicate with your friends when tensions arise? Share in the comments below!