Disclaimer: These are my opinions based upon my own personal experiences and the experiences I know of others.

I was having a conversation with a close girlfriend recently and she asked me why me and another friend no longer talked. I haven’t talked with this other woman for over a decade but back in the day, we were inseparable. Then one day, she just stopped talking to me.

I had another friend who came to me for advice because a friend of theirs is acting passive aggressive, writing subliminals on social media, not inviting her places anymore, and just basically ignoring her all of a sudden. She is confused because she doesn’t know what happened.

The thing lacking in both of these scenarios is communication.

Normalize communicating how you feel to avoid further turmoil.

For some reason we (really yall) love to just “ghost” people you love. I am all for ghosting randoms and maybe associates but why wouldn’t you want to have a conversation with someone you actually consider a friend if they did something to you? And NO, everyone doesn’t always know what they did. Everyone doesn’t know all of your triggers and everything that offends or upsets you.

I had a friend who pulled me to the side to tell me something I said offended him. I had no clue I had offended him, nor even remembered what I said. He explained the situation to me and I apologized. I explained that sometimes I talk out loud to myself (judge ya momma) and it could have just been in that moment he thought I was talking to him. Regardless, I apologized because my friend was hurt by something I may have done. We squashed it and moved on…like adults.

What if he never told me his issue with me? I would have never known, he would have stayed offended based on a possible assumption, and the truth would have never been revealed. We may not have continued our friendship which would have jeopardized other friendships, or he would have had these ill feelings towards me every time he saw or talked to me and I would have never known.

Communication provides clarity.

Communication provides reassurance.

Communication builds trust.

For some, it is not easy to talk about feelings. Some people do not like confrontation, so they travel down the path of avoidance instead of resolution. Some people are not the easiest to approach or talk to neither. I can attest I may have been one of those people. I have gotten better though but some people may assume that I am still the person they use to know. If a person is someone you care about and love, calling them up and telling them that you are hurt because they did or said xyz, is the least you can do. Not acknowledging or communicating the issue only makes things worse on both ends.

1.       You harbor those feelings that can manifest in different ways and how you act not just towards that person but others as well.

2.       You hold it in so long you blow up, possibly at the wrong person.

3.       The other party may not know the causation so they may offend you again or someone else.

4.       That other party may see a change in your behavior and begin to speculate, thus creating unnecessary conflict.

5.       Your mental health and possibly the mental health of the other person, would be affected.

Even if nothing is said, I almost always notice a shift in energy and I know a lot of people are like that. I am a very observant person and notice changes in behaviors as well. Before, I use to care because these would be people I have invested into. Invested my time, my energy, my space, my support, my love. So why wouldn’t they talk to me if they have an issue or why wouldn’t I share with them if I am having ill feelings towards them? Unless I just didn’t care. And once I realized that perhaps, they just don’t care…I stopped caring. Now when someone is obviously being distant, I remove myself completely from that person’s environment because I know I deserve better. Even if I was the offender. If I don’t know that I hurt you because you lack the communication skills to share that information, I move on.

Your issue with me is not my problem until you open your mouth to talk about it with me.

You see that says “with ME” not with Jane, Tyrone, and Sabrina. Just saying. we all good for it.

I was watching Grey’s Anatomy (spoiler alert). It was season 5 or 6 I believe when the character, Izzy, played by Katherine Heigl, was fired from the hospital. The chief of surgery told her other doctors were concerned with her mental and emotional state because she had just recovered from cancer. One of those doctors he mentioned was her husband. She took that information, wrote him a note, and left town for months. She didn’t stick around to talk with him to get clarity on what really happened. She just took the word of someone else regarding her husband and friend and ran with it. She also speculated it was true because of his past actions, not considering he had changed. Had she communicated with him her issue, she would have found out the truth which is that he just simply wanted everyone to give her a fighting chance, but his words and concern was misconstrued. Now her husband no longer wants to be with her because she cannot communicate.

Don’t be Izzy.

Don’t miss out on friendships and relationships because you just didn’t have a conversation. In any situation, just talk. You don’t have to communicate immediately but ghosting and leaving things unknown is just petty and quite frankly childlike. Resolve your issues. And resolution doesn’t have to be being friends again. It can literally just be coming to an understanding and going your separate ways. I know, I know. eVeRyBoDy DoEsNt DeSeRvE yOuR eNeRgY. You are absolutely correct. Everybody does not deserve your energy or your time. If I hit you upside your head and call you out of your name and you become upset and start acting differently towards me, I know why because its obvious. I am specifically talking about the situations that are not as open and shut.

I am clearly an advocate for talking out your problems because I am a “Do unto others as you would want done unto you” type person (In most cases lol.) But you should do what is best for you because you know you better than anyone else. But also, be mindful that others reserve the right to do the same with you. Keep that same energy when your actions are reciprocated on you.

Oh and a apart of communication is listening. You ain’t always right! I’m talking to myself too!

Disclaimer: Obviously, these are my opinions based upon my own personal experiences and the experiences I know of others.