I’m not okay…

A lot of us are afraid to admit that some times...most of the time. We think by admitting that something is wrong means something is wrong with us or that just because we have an off day, means we are off.

In actuality, not being okay is perfectly normal. Some times we have to...we need to...take moments, hours, even days to ourselves. If you hold in these feelings, they begin to build up and could possibly become detrimental to you physically and emotionally. We should fully experience our emotions without feeling rushed or shamed.

I said experience not sit.

Experience the emotions you are feeling. Don’t sit with the emotions you are feeling. What’s the difference? Experiencing is processing your emotions so that you can understand why you are feeling that way to overcome them. Sitting is simply allowing your emotions to overcome you.

I had a moment yesterday when I wasn’t myself. I shared it on Instagram with a song that resonated with my mood, “One Of Them Days” by Kiana Lede. A particular part in the song says “Feel like I wanna cry, its okay. If I forget to smile, its okay. And if I need some time for peace of mind, its okay. All that I ask is today let me sit in my sorrow. Promise I’ll be better tomorrow. The one that you love hasn’t changed. It’s just one of them days.” I was emotional out of nowhere. i was crying out of nowhere. I wanted to get back into my bed and go back to sleep. I just didn’t want to be bothered. I had the option of experiencing these emotions or sitting in them. I chose to experience which is why today was a better day.

Have you ever had these moments? if you have, here are some things that helped me:

1. Acknowledge your emotions. Don’t ignore the fact that you are feeling something even if it is unusual.

2. Take time for yourself. Step away from social media. Take the day off if you can.

3. Find something to do. Whether its something to occupy your mind or help you get through the emotions, find something. Go for a walk. Journal. Take a nap. Cook. Listen to music.

4. Be patient. Your emotions may subside in minutes or it may take all day. Be patient with yourself to fully process everything.

5. Be kind with yourself and to others. Its okay if you are confused about your emotions but don’t be upset with yourself. Don’t demean or degrade yourself for not knowing the why. And don’t take everything personal. Your senses are heightened but your friends and your loved ones are not the enemy. And if they are, there’s some purging that needs to be done.

6. Say positive affirmations to yourself. Repeat them. Believe them.

While taking my time yesterday, friends and loved ones reached out to check on me. Some wanted to help. Some just wanted to send positive vibes. Here are some things that could help you be there for someone who’s not having a great day:

1. Open your ears and not your mouth. Reaching out and telling them you are there if you need them helps so they know if they needed a listening ear, who to come to. Your friend or loved one is feeling emotional for whatever reason. It’s not about you in this moment. If they are standoffish or short, they are going through their range of emotions. Let them. If they are venting, don’t interrupt even if you don’t agree. Your ears should be doing most of the work

2. Don’t offer advice unless they ask for it.

3. Ask what can you do. Some people like a proactive approach. They like to actively be there. Ask if they’ve eaten today. Ask if they want to come over. Ask if they want to go somewhere. If they decline, don’t take it personal.

4. Don’t assume. The worst thing you can do is assume you know whats wrong or assume you know whats best.

5. Don’t tell them what they should do. Telling them they can make their day better or that they need to get out, isn’t helpful. It makes some feel rushed to get over what they’re feeling and not properly process their emotions. Instead, ask them questions to see how you can help and for them to come to conclusions on their own of what they need to do.

6. Send positive vibes and/or prayers. These always help because they are felt near and far.

Let’s normalize thoroughly processing our emotions so that we can reach a level of gratitude or happiness that follows. You are not alone.

I’m not okay…but that’s okay.

If you or someone you know needs additional help please contact the National Alliance of Mental Health https://www.nami.org/help at 1-800-950-NAMI or info@nami.org.