Ten years ago, I gave up.

I was preparing to graduate from THE Florida State University, I had just gotten bad news after bad news and I wasn’t strong mentally. I didn’t know how to process everything I was going through. I didn’t want to be a disappointment to my family and friends. I didn’t feel accomplished and I didn’t feel…like myself. It was at that moment the devil was able to creep in and convince me my thoughts were valid.

But God.

I am here simply because of the grace of God. It has been ten years since then and every year around the holidays, I am mixed with emotion. I think back to that day in 2010 and the following few days after leading up to Thanksgiving and I see how far I have come.

10 years of more memories made.

10 years of more pictures taken.

10 years of more laughs.

10 years of more friendships.

10 years of finding myself.

10 years of better handling anxiety and depression.

10 years of therapy and healing.

10 years of living more life.

I still have moments. I would be lying if I pretended that everything was just miraculously better. Depression and anxiety are not just “things” that can just go away. They aren’t scrapes that you can just put a band-aid on. They are illnesses. Real illnesses that can surface at any moment. But that is why facing them head on can literally save your life.

There is this stigma, especially in the black community, that we should just “pray” all of our issues away. But by just praying, we are not truly delving into the real issue. We pray and then go back to living our lives with the same pain and unhealthy thoughts that drove us to prayer in the first place. Pray AND do something about it. Seek help. God would not have all of these resources available if He didn’t want you to use them. So, USE them! Here are some steps to help you be the best you, you can be.

1.       Acknowledge the issue. When those thoughts slide into your mind, realize then that something may be wrong.

2.       Accept the issue. This may be the most difficult step. Accepting that you may have a mental issue could be tough. This step could make or break your progress to being better because if you cant accept it, no one can help you. You have to want to help yourself.

3.       Seek help. Therapy is Gods gift to earth! I am certain of that! Finding a therapist will be able to help you unpack your issues and why you are feeling the way you are feeling. You will be able to find coping mechanisms and lessen your triggers.

4.       Stay the course. That’s it. That’s the step. Keep moving! You got this!

But let’s be honest. The person who is experiencing these mental health challenges are not the only ones affected. Some things I hear about people who committed suicide are, that they were selfish and/or they could have fought harder. This is damaging, hurtful and far from the truth. Most people who have suicidal thoughts no longer want to be a burden on the people they love. They think…we think…we think our loved ones would be better off. We think less of ourselves and more about the well being of those around us. Mental health problems are not easy to deal with as the person with it or as people who have loved ones dealing with it. While I understand your frustration because your loved one is hurting, some things that could help them are:

1.       Taking the time to understand. Calling them “selfish” or making them feel bad, helps no one.

2.       Talk to them.

3.       When you are talking to them actually LISTEN to what they are saying.

4.       Get out of your own feelings.

5.       Love them.

When the devil tried to make me believe I wasn’t good enough, God stepped in and granted me life again. Life more abundantly. Every year for Thanksgiving since 2010, I am more thankful than I was before because its another year I am here. It’s like my birthday. Actually, its more like my rebirth. I was born again. I celebrate now because NOW is what I have. When I could have just been a memory, I am a walking, talking, and breathing testimony that you CAN and you WILL get through it. I survived because of the grace of God. I am STILL here because of His grace and the grace I have extended to myself. This Thanksgiving be thankful for life.

Push through the pain.

Regain your power.

Persevere through it all.

If you or anyone you may know are having suicidal thoughts, please contact someone immediately. Visit this website https://afsp.org/suicide-prevention-resources for assistance.